Gay Men Having Babies
For gay male couples trying to have a baby, the fertility world can be a daunting place. With all the LGBTQ+ family building options out there, from different egg donors to surrogate options to gestational carriers, it can be difficult to know what the right choice is for you.
That’s where we come in. At Reproductive Health and Wellness Center, we are here to help you navigate your way through all these choices. We will outline all the fertility options available to future gay parents and help you choose which ones are right for your needs. We believe in keeping our patients informed, and we want you to feel knowledgeable and prepared as you pursue options for building your family.
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Gay Fertility Consultation
When you first come into the office to consult with Dr. Rosencrantz, you will have a personalized one-on-one meeting where he will lay out all the options you have available and explain in depth what your fertility journey may look like. You will also have a meeting with an LGBTQ+ fertility specialist who can help with any other specific needs you might have.
Donor Egg Agencies and Egg Banks for Gay Males
One of the first things you may discuss in detail about the gay fertility process is where you will get eggs. There are donor egg agencies, frozen egg banks, and you might even know someone who wants to donate their eggs to you. These choices are very different and there are benefits and drawbacks to each.
If you are seeking out a donor egg through an agency or egg bank, we will help you connect with the best ones available. Donation agencies and banks should be very particular about who they choose for egg donation. Donors should be thoroughly screened for health issues and family health backgrounds, there should be medical and psychological evaluations, and they should make sure only the highest quality eggs are frozen.
The best agencies and banks should be selective with their donors, and many women who choose to donate eggs are highly educated, young, and have very healthy eggs. These agencies should also take care of the legal documents around donating eggs which ensures your family is legally protected. You can choose between donors who are anonymous or donors who make themselves available for future contact, allowing you to decide the level of personal interaction you have to your egg donor.
Many gay couples or individuals will also choose to use a family member the partner giving sperm is not related to, but the other partner is related to, so they can have a biological connection with their child from both sides of the family. For example, a gay man may be using his sperm for the pregnancy, and his partner’s female family member will donate her eggs, allowing their baby to be biologically related to both sides of the family. In this case, there is no biological relation between the sperm and egg being used, but both male partners have a biological connection to the child. This is an option for male couples who otherwise would not have the ability for both partners to be biologically related to their baby.
Gestational Carriers or Surrogates for Gay Men
The next step of your fertility journey will be finding a gestational carrier (GC) or more commonly known as a surrogate. Gestational carriers are women who carry your baby for you. The embryo that results from the sperm and the donor egg is implanted into the uterus of the gestational carrier through In Vitro Fertilization.
How to find a surrogate for gay males?
Like egg donation, you have two choices when choosing a gestational carrier. You can either go through an agency for gestational carriers, or you can use a known person who chooses to be a gestational carrier for you. Agencies for gestational carriers perform many of the same screening processes that egg donation agencies do. They will pay for psychological evaluation of the gestational carrier, helping to ensure that she is in a good mental state to carry your child. They will also perform all the necessary health screenings and have experienced lawyers that write contracts to ensure the entire process goes smoothly and your parental rights are protected. The legal contract between you and your gestational carrier is a critical aspect of your fertility journey.
For gay parents, there often aren’t legal systems in place to protect their parental rights without these contracts, so making sure you have a legally binding document that ensures our rights over your child is extremely important. Due to this, many people choose to go through a gestational carrier agency due to their legal resources and experience.
Health Insurance for Surrogate
Health insurance is also required for gestational carriers and going through an agency often means that they will give you reduced costs for health insurance options or even pay for the health insurance themselves. These wonderful benefits not only help protect you legally, but take the stress out of having to figure out every detail of the gestational carrier process. Because it can be so complicated, going through an agency ensures you are getting proven high quality care and protections for you and your gestational carrier, giving you ease of mind and allowing you and your GC to focus completely on creating your happy healthy baby. However, the result of agencies taking care of all these services usually means that they are more expensive than using your own private gestational carrier. These expenses can create barriers for those who are already struggling to pay for the egg donor and IVF costs.
Can you use your own surrogate?
Surrogacy for gay parents
Using a private gestational carrier is often a cheaper option for prospective parents, and sometimes more appealing as a couple might have someone they know personally, such as a family member or a friend, that they would like to carry their child. While the cheaper cost can make a real difference for those who are struggling to pay for all the fertility treatments for making their baby, there are also risks to using a private gestational carrier. Even if you know your gestational carrier personally, psychological and medical evaluations are still required. So is creating a legal contract to protect your parental rights in order to protect yourself, your baby, and your gestational carrier during and after pregnancy.
Negotiating and taking on all of these aspects yourself can be overwhelming, which is why many people choose an agency that takes care of everything for them instead of pursuing it all themselves. But if you do choose to go with a private gestational carrier, you aren’t alone in figuring out the details. Reproductive Health and Wellness center can help connect you with trusted attorneys as well as recommendations for psychological counselors that are experienced in evaluating and counseling gestational carriers and prospective gay parents. Because health insurance for your gestational carrier is required by law, we help connect you with different health insurance plants so you can find the right one. Thankfully, there are specific companies that specialize in health insurance for gestational carriers, and some even help pay for these costs.
Costs for Gay Men to have a baby?
The costs for gay men to have biological babies are some of the highest in the fertility industry. Due to donor eggs, IVF, and payment for the woman carrying the child, plus all the legal and health fees involved, gay men face some of the most difficult hurdles when trying to have children. But you are not alone, and there are so many ways of building your family and having your own biological children.
Dr. Rosencrantz and his team at Reproductive Health and Wellness Center care deeply about giving every single person the opportunity to have their own baby and work toward breaking down each barrier that might stand in the way of our patients having their dreams come true. From financial counseling, extended payment plans, and special offers through agencies, to our one on one dedicated work toward finding a fertility journey that fits for you, we won’t rest until you have an actionable plan to build your family.
Hopefully, one day, having a baby will be an easy, accessible option for gay men from all walks of life, but until then, we will do everything in our power to overcome every obstacle standing in the way of giving you a baby of your own. We’re here for you, every step of the way, and we want to help make your dream of a family a reality.